i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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