I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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