you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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