I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
