He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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