is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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