There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
