Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You have to summon your inner elephant
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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