I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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