i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
