I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
