maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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