he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
