It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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