i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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