my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
