Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sex in a hospital.. check
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
