No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
