thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
