Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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