I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
