I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
