'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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