Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
birth control should be required to get into college
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
