i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
