my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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