Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
