i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
