The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
