we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
