She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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