Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
