This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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