my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
