Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
