Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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