Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
