I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
