i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
