grandma shit on top of the toilet
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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