Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
