Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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