Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
