And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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