she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
