As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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