she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
