i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
