So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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