My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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