I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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