i permit you to call me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
