The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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