Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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