he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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